Wise Up Jan S White
by Charlotte Alderlove
Summary: So technically Peanuts Rocky Horror crossover but just wise up Janet Weiss.


"Lucy! Jan was my true love!" Linus wailed, holding onto his blanket with a death grip. Charlie Brown had heard the news and walked over to give Linus his blanket earlier.  
Lucy gave Linus a pat. "There there." She said, semi-consolingly.  
Rerun asked "Why do you care about a stupid girl, huh?"  
"We KISSED!" Linus exclaimed.  
Lucy sighed. "You have to pay me if you want more than there there. And Rerun what about that girl you said you wanted to run away to Paris with? What if she said no and said she hated you?" Lucy posed.  
Rerun's eyes got full of tears. "Lucy, you have to know what rejection feels like, you get it every time Schroeder talks to you." He hit a chord with Lucy.  
"Just because you are my little brother doesn't mean I won't pound you." Lucy explained to Rerun. All she had to do was make the fist for Rerun to flee.  
Lucy looked at Linus, eyes red, tear stained cheeks. She gave him a hug. "There will be other girls, Linus. She didn't deserve you."  
"Are you serious?" Linus asked.  
"I know how you feel. Rerun had a point." Lucy pointed out. Linus shared his blanket a little.  
"I'm surprised you aren't saying anything about a junior still having a blanket." Linus noted.  
"I get it." Lucy said, actually being a good sister for once and consoling her brother.  
"I just can't believe she picked Schroeder over me." Linus said.  
Lucy stood up "SHE picked WHO?!"  
Linus got scared and hid his head under the blanket. "Don't shoot the messenger! They were holding hands in the hallway."  
Lucy said "If it is Schroeder, you merely have to help me with an evil plan of mine."  
Linus gulped. "It is."  
"Then I merely need your assistance in a little payback." Lucy noted. She said "that Jan S White better wise up. I have been working on Schroeder for YEARS!"  
"It isn't related to that weird musical you showed me with the transvestite and no plot or morals right?"  
"That bitch stole my man and she is going to get hell for it." Lucy noted.  
Linus sighed. "Good grief."  
The next day, Lucy wore a black dress with long lace sleeves, and no back. It had a sweetheart neckline and hit a little past mid thigh. She wore it with black boots and red lipstick. Schroeder practically had a heart attack. Her hair was allowed to just flow instead of her normal styling. Jan stood next to him. "Hit it!" Lucy yelled to Linus.  
Schroeder recognized the beat. Lucy made Jan scream and run just looking at her. Lucy sang "I'll tell you once. I won't tell you twice. You'd better wise up Jan S White. I'll tell you girl this dog'll bite. You'd better wise up Jan S White."  
Schroeder and Linus followed them. The girls ran up the stairs to the art room and Linus and Schroeder took the elevator. Schroeder asked why and Linus said "It's in the movie."  
"I've laid the seed. I'm all he really needs. You're as musical as a stool, wound up like an E or first string. When you kissed him did you hear a bell ring?" She sang. They entered the art room. Linus and Schroeder came in the correct way about the same time Lucy and Jan came in the other way. "You got a block? Well take my advice. You'd better wise up Jan S White. The sticky glue eh will seduce ya!"  
Schroeder noticed he stood in the goop. "So much industrial strength glue..." Linus thought as he found himself standing in it.  
"My feet! I can't move my feet!" Jan exclaimed.  
"Linus I can't believe you forgot the wheelchair! That was how you were supposed to get up the elevator without any sort of adult!" Lucy exclaimed.  
"Well, I will say it anyways. My wheels! I can't move my wheels!"  
Schroeder smiled, knowing what Lucy wanted him to say. He just went along with it. "It's almost as if we are glued to the spot."  
"You are! So quake with fear you tiny blockheads!"  
"Oh! We're trapped!" Jan exclaimed.  
"It's something you'll get used to, trying to get him to make a move on you!" She sang.  
"You will find cheating people quite the easier mark you imagine. I am guessing this glue has some sort of audiovibratory physiomolecular TRANSPORT device?" Linus asked.  
"You mean?" Schroeder asked, putting his hand on Linus's shoulder and trying not to burst out laughing.  
"Yes, Schroeder. It is something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time. A device which is capable of connecting two pieces of solid matter and locking them together for all eternity!" Linus exclaimed.  
"You mean she's gonna send me to another planet?" She asked.  
Schroeder and Linus sighed at the stupidity of Jan. "Planet. Schmanet. Jan S." Lucy sang. "You'd better wise up Jan S White. You'd better wise up build your mind up! You'd better wise up."  
"And then she cried out." Linus narrated.  
"STOP!" She flicked her hands away, and following the story of the song, Lucy wound up against a wall of paints. She smiled deviously. "Acrylic."  
"She took the yellow squirt bottle with the paint in it and said "Don't get hot and flustered! Use a bit of mustard!" She warned Linus about this so he pulled out a plastic poncho. She squirted acrylic yellow paint all over them.  
Schroeder sang "You're a hot dog but you'd better not try to hurt her! Frank Furter!"  
Lucy squirted a heart on his shirt in yellow paint. Linus sang "you're a hot dog, but you'd better not try to pelt her Lucy van Pelt."  
"You're a hot dog!" Jan exclaimed, before getting doused in a bucket of yellow paint above her head. She started crying.  
Lucy sighed. The art teacher came in and yelled "WHAT are you DOING?"  
"You said I could do this." Lucy said.  
"Oh, alright. Did I tell you not to touch the red paint? Because that would've been done before."  
"On Glee and in Carrie. I know. I also know never to mix Rocky Horror and Glee."  
"Ryan Murphy learned eventually. So can I set Linus free? I need help plastering." The art teacher asked.  
"Oh yeah of course!" Lucy answered.  
The art teacher put solvent on Linus's feet, allowing him to easily go. Schroeder asked "Can I go?"  
"No. The only way you are getting out is talking and even then I want a kiss." Lucy said.  
"Good grief."  
"Why did you pick her over me?"  
"I didn't! She just randomly grabbed my hand!" Schroeder defended.  
"Really?"  
"Yes. I only kept holding it because she said she feels more connected to a friend that way. She said a lot about missing Linus actually. I felt bad for her."  
"Oh. So she is only dowsed in paint for Linus?"  
"Yes. And she kissed me."  
"Really?" Lucy inquired.  
Jan nodded. "And he turned! So I was kissing his cheek! Then he explained how the only girl he will ever love will be you."  
Lucy smiled at Schroeder. "Are you serious?"  
"Yes." Schroeder said. Lucy kissed him, getting a big yellow paint stain on her dress. As soon as they broke, it dried.  
"I tried not to kiss you while it was still wet but... Then you say stuff like that..."  
"I get it, Lucy."  
"Why did you reject me for so long then?"  
"I hadn't hit puberty yet."  
"Oh... Do you love me more than the piano?"  
"Don't push it." Schroeder warned.  
Linus summarized "If he was going to love someone more than his piano it would be you."  
Lucy smiled "Even though I threw it in a sewer when we were little?"  
"What do you not understand about 'don't push it'?" Schroeder asked.  
Linus asked "Do you not know my sister? Schroeder meet Lucy, the queen of pushing it."  
Schroeder asked "Can I be released now?"  
Lucy smiled "I need another toll."  
He smiled. "Gladly." They kissed.  
"Linus solvent." Lucy said.  
"So I don't even deserve a full sentence?" Linus questioned.  
"Let him go you blockhead!"  
"I am not hearing a please."  
"Pl-EASE let him go you blockhead before I slug you!" Lucy exclaimed.  
Schroeder said "I think that is the best you are getting, Linus. She considers that nice."  
"Well I SAID please!" Lucy exclaimed.  
Linus put the solvent on.  
Schroeder took Lucy and swung her over. This was the moment she had dreamt of all her life. The third of things is always the best. And Schroeder wasn't forced to kiss her. Linus sighed "Ugh. I am leaving before this gets weird." He left to the art teacher's room.  
Schroeder gave her a real kiss, long and French.  
"I love you." He whispered in her ear.  
After all these years the only sound her lips could make was a mini fan girl squeal. Schroeder smiled."I know what you meant." The bell rang. "Want me to walk you to class?" Schroeder asked. Lucy nodded fiercely. They ran off together, turning the light out on Jan as they did so.


End file.
